Light Glade Lady Drama

Ever now and again I go through my stats to see how people are getting to 13Months.

The answer 90% of the time these days is a google search for Dori Kelly or something else Glade-related.

Last month, I noticed links from something called the FlyLadyForum. This meant nothing to me, so I checked it out.

Turns out that a blogger there had plagiarized portions of my original Glade Lady post without giving me any credit. Someone noticed and busted her out on the forum. It was all fairly humorous.

I was a little offended and a little flattered at the same time. I mean, it's not every day that someone thinks my work is good enough to... let's say borrow.

I checked out the blog in question, too and sure enough there were my words in someone else's post. The strangest thing was that we seemed to be living parallel lives. I am a stay-at-home dad, she's a stay-at-home mom. I have issues with the Glade Lady, she has issues with the Glade Lady. It's possible that we have parallel thoughts. I commented on the post and then didn't give it another thought.

Today, I noticed a couple more visitors from the FlyLadyForum, so I checked it out.

Turns out someone busted her again in a different thread. Click here and scroll down to Post #13.

It's nice to know that someone is sticking up for me out there.

But I also feel kind of bad. It seems that she's been away from the forum for some amount of time due to unspecified personal issues and, now when she ventured back in, someone points out her past mistakes.

I wasn't even going to mention it, but I realized I haven't posted about Glade in a long time.

Viva la Glade

The Idiotic-Hot Scale

A blogger I don't know has posted about the Glade Lady and asks the question, Is the Glade Lady hot or idiotic?

I don't think the choice is so clear. It's not dualistic, it's multidimensional. There are innumerable points along the scales hot and idiotic. The Glade Lady could be both or even neither. I would suggest a graph such as the one below to answer the question.
We could argue where the Glade Lady actually lies on this chart, but I don't think she's as hot as most of my readers do.

Nothing against Dori Kelley.

Related Posts:

The Glade Lady's Web of Lies
That Glade Commercial Madness
Dori Kelly - The Glade lady
The Glade Lady Crosses a Line

The Glade Lady is Good for Business

I don't know what she's doing for Glade, but she's doing a great job for 13Months.

My glade-lady-related rant was briefly mentioned at AdRants, and now more people can read what I have to say about our candle friend.

Let's hope Glade green lights some more foolish commercials!

The Glade Lady Crosses a Line

I am not obsessed with the Glade Lady.

I swear.

But there's a new commercial and I feel I must comment on it. You see, this time the Glade Lady takes her foolishness too far.

The Commercial:

The Glade Lady can be seen lighting a candle (I guess it's not really a candle at all, but some sort of Glade oil scent pod. I don't know the trade name, but it's not important) and then putting out some store-bought gingerbread cookies.

She invites her friends in and they comment on how good her cookies smell.

One of the cookies stands up - seriously - and says "Oh no you didn't. That smell is a candle, not us cookies!"

The friends are probably all "What the... that cookie just talked," or "Oh how magical! A talking cookie. It's like a Disney film. Or Shrek. Or Shrek 2. Or even Shrek 3"

The Glade Lady doesn't miss a beat. She grabs the cookie and bites his head off as her friends look on horrified. She then offers the remaining cookies to the friends confident that her warning will keep the other cookies silent.

The Analysis:

I think this one is meant to be a light-hearted take on the Glade Lady's compulsion to lie.

"Ah, gee, she got busted by that cute talking cookie."

The only way to make it light-hearted, though, is for the Glade Lady, the cookie and the friends to have a good laugh.

Instead, she murders the cookie.

Up to this point, those who have been brave enough to confront the Glade Lady have lived to tell about it: her friend who finds the sticker on her butt, her husband, her yoga partner. Now, the Glade Lady has put her detractors on notice: If you cross me, I will bite your head off while your family watches and I will chew it up.

Before you write this off as over analysis, I suggest you watch the commercial and focus on the friends. I think their faces are priceless. They say:

"In two minutes, I just saw a freakin' talking cookie, my friend ate said cookie and then tried to make me eat a similar cookie, a cookie which may be just alive as the first one. I don't know how many of those cookies can talk! Why am I friends with this woman? Why am I still in this kitchen? I am disgusted, but mostly I am afraid! If I make any false moves, will she eat me, too?"

I wonder what's next for the Glade Lady now that she's had a taste of blood.

Or icing.

I don't really know what flows through the veins of gingerbread men.

Related Posts:

The Glade Lady's Web of Lies
That Glade Commercial Madness
Dori Kelly - The Glade lady
The Glade Lady - Hot or Idiotic?

Dori Kelly - The Glade Lady

The Glade Lady is very popular.

I don't know why. I mean, she seems to be a fine actress. The Glade commercials aren't too much to work with, though, so I can't really judge her abilities. I've had a number of comments refering to her "hotness," and, while she does seem to be an attractive lady, I wouldn't call her hot.

No offense, Dori.

I decided to find out more about the actress as a service to my readers. I didn't find much fact. I found many other people asking the same questions.

Someone on YouTube claims to have e-mailed Glade and gotten the actress' name: Dori Kelly.

But that's where the trail ends.

The closest reference I can get is an actress by the name of Dori May Kelly, who starred in a 1991 horror film called Winterbeast. The photo of the actress on that site is much too small for me to tell if it's the same woman.

They do seem to look alike, but I really can't claim it as truth.

Here's the trailer. You be the judge. You can see her at 55 seconds and again at 1:02.

Oh, and beware. The movie is disgusting for no reason.



If it's her, it explains the compulsion to lie. She's been denying her role in that movie for 17 years.

Related Posts:

The Glade Lady's Web of Lies
That Glade Commercial Madness
The Glade Lady Crosses a Line
The Glade Lady - Hot or Idiotic?

That Glade Commercial Madness

I am not the only one who has something to say about the Glade Lady.

Vanessa supplies this comment:

Third Commercial mock-up. Fade to Mrs. Liar Liar Pant's on Fire coming home, only to enter a house filled with casually dressed friends, a husband who will not look her in the eye and an intervention specialist. They are all there to confront her about her meth habit. She claims that she has no such habit and that if she did her breath would smell bad and her teeth would be falling out. Then we see her husband pull out a an empty bag. The bag says "Glade Meth-Head Cover Up Kit". We end scene with Mrs. Pant's on fire throwing her hands up and smiling while one of her fake Glade teeth fall out.

I hate to break it to Vanessa, but there are two additional Glade Lady commercials, so he Meth Lady commercial would be number 5 or so.

I have only seen the newest two once each, so I can't say too much about them, but I can't just let them pass without comment.

In the first, the Glade Lady is doing yoga at home with friends. Someone comments on the great smell of the room. The Glade Lady claims that the scent is the smell of her yoga-induced sweat.

Or something. I have to admit that I wasn't paying attention until I realized the Glad Lady was back and by then I had missed most of it. But I got the point; the Glade Lady was trying to pretend her Glade Scented-Oil Plug In was something other than a Glade Scented-Oil Plug In.

Apparently, Glade Scented-Oil Plug Ins are an embarrassment to their owners. Just like Glade candles.

In the second new commercial, the Glade Lady is taking a bath with a Glade candle beside the tub. She gets a phone call and tells her friend she's at a spa. Her husband comes into the bathroom and interrupts the call. Her friend says "Who was that?" The Glade Lady...lies.

Of course.

Now, again I have to confess that I haven't studied this commercial as much as the original, but I think that the friend calls her on her home phone*.

The other option is that she calls her friend. This option means that she called in order to lie about being at the spa while the first option implies that she thinks her friend is unimaginably dim.

"Yeah, you called my home phone, but I had it forwarded to this spa..."

Who thought these up?

Here are some better Glade-related lies:

1. The Glade Lady claims she bought the Glade candle, but she really stole it.
2. The Glade Lady has a trunkload of stolen Glade candles. When her husband confonts her, she says she won a radio contest.
3. The Glade Lady refills her Glade brand Febreeze rip off spray bottle with generic brand Febreeze rip off spray, but tells her friend it's Glade.
4. The Glade Lady leaves her Glade Scented Oil Plug In plugged in for weeks after the oil is gone. It sets the house on fire. She blames a lightening strike and collects the insurance.
5. The Glade Lady's husband demands that she see a counselor and deal with her compulsion to lie. She pretends to go, but spends the time sniffing Glade Spray at Kroger.

Ok, I think that's enough.

*Ok, I've seen it a few more times and I now know that it's her cell phone. I don't care. It's still ridiculous. I know the spa would have a locker for her belongings and I'm sure that the locker room would have a sign. Please turn off all cell phones before placing them in the locker. This is for the comfort of our guests. Thank you. Management.

Even made up spas with made up aromatherapy have those signs. Get with it Glade Lady.

Aren't you glad I set the record straight?

Don't you mean... Glade?

Related Posts:

The Glade Lady's Web of Lies
Dory Kelly - The Glade Lady
The Glade Lady Crosses a Line
The Glade Lady - Hot or Idiotic?

The Glade Lady's Web of Lies

There is a commercial that drives me insane. I have held my tongue on the blog because I didn't want to seem like a maniac, but now there's a second commercial.

In the first commercial, a woman dressed in a black cocktail dress and pearls is preparing to have some people over. She prepares her home and lights a Glade candle, but she takes the label off of the Glade candle before her guests arrive. She attempts to throw the label in the garbage, but unbeknownst to her, it attaches to her butt.

Her guests arrive - three other ladies dressed much more casually than their hostess - and they comment positively on the smell of her home.

The Glade Lady claims that the candle came from France.

Her "friends" laugh and one of them snatches the Glade label from her butt. She says mockingly, "Oh, haven't you ever heard of Gladé?"

Then the women laugh at the Glade Lady.

I can't stand this commercial for the following reasons:

• The Glade Lady is wearing pearls to have some friends over for pie
• I don't believe that France has this awesome candle-making reputation
• If they did, it wouldn't be for making Apple-Cinnamon-scented candles
• The friends never believed that the candle came from France which means that Glade candles are no competition for even the imaginary French candle industry
• If one really wanted to fool one's friends into thinking that their Glade candle was specially imported from Europe, and especially France, a home-spun scent like Apple Cinnamon is the last scent to choose! I mean, really. Vanilla? Berry? Human Urine? Those scream Paris!
• What kind of person lies about a candle?

I could have let it go, but the Glade Lady's back in a new commercial.

In this one her husband leaves her alone all day so she can clean her house. Instead she sprays some Glade brand Febreeze rip off on all of her stuff and goes shopping and dancing and ice skating and some other nonsense.

She sneaks back home before her husband returns and pretends to be so tired from cleaning. Her husband finds the Glade product and calls her on her lie.

I don't know why her husband left all day and expected her to clean the house. I don't know what keeps him so busy, but it doesn't seem to be pretending to clean. He may be pretending to go to work, but we'll have to wait for a third Glade commercial to find out.

I also don't know why the Glade Lady is such a bad liar, nor do I know why she decides to lie about the things she does. Maybe she pretends to be a bad liar about these minor things so that when she lies about important things, people think "Well, she must be telling the truth. She is a terrible liar. Remember when she said that candle came from France?"

I'm on to you Glade Lady. Now, please go away.

Related Posts:

That Glade Commercial Madness
Dory Kelly - The Glade Lady
The Glade Lady Crosses a Line
The Glade Lady - Hot or Idiotic?